There’s a question often asked, if you could go back in time, and tell your younger self anything, what would you say?
Throughout the years, I’ve pondered this question. What would be most beneficial for me to know then? After 44 years of being alive, and through all the lessons, heartaches, experiences and connections I’ve been through, this is my answer and why.
Wake up each day with appreciation for your life and SHOW UP, in the best possible way, for YOURSELF, not others. Because at the end of the day, it’s just you, you must look at in the mirror and answer to. It’s just you, you must be happy with. It’s just you, that you have to trust, respect, and love.
The only things you can control in life, is YOU. Your thoughts, emotions, reactions, responses, choices, actions, and behaviors. The way you move in life and how you connect and treat yourself and others, are the only things you have true control of. Take accountability for yourself, adjust when needed, and don’t abandon yourself.
You cannot control the flow of life. How others move, connect or choose to show up for themselves or you. And the more you try to resist, chase, or change things, people, or situations, to get unnatural outcomes, based off your expectations or meanings you put on things, words, people, or situations, that may or may not, be beneficial for you, in that moment, the more confused and frustrated you will become. The more unbalanced, internally, you will be.
Here’s the one important thing I have learned. People can only show up and love you, understand you, and connect with you, to the extent of how they are with themselves, bottom line. Please, take a moment, and really think about that.
If they don’t know themselves on a deep level of intimacy, and have the awareness and self accountability, to understand how and why they move in life, why they show up the way they do, and how to love themselves with respect, compassion, patience, understanding and forgiveness, then that’s how they are going to show up for you and others. There’s nothing you can directly do, to change that and it’s not on you to do so. We may want to and try to, however we will fall short every time, and in most cases, get hurt and be disappointed. The accountability and awareness is on them, to get curious of themselves, to want to dig deep and change, so that they show up a better version, each and everyday.
There’s nothing wrong with where we are at in life, as individuals. There’s no right or wrong, good or bad, way to be. We all have our own traumas, wounds, lessons, patterns and baggage that we must zip open, unpack, sort through and face. We must heal, throw away, let go and embrace, everything that’s hidden. We are all on different levels. However, without the understanding of our shit, With no respect for ourselves and how we show up, and if we lack boundaries, self love and compassion, we will not be able to be fully present for others. We will not be able to expand and nurture the bonds and connections we want and desire. We’re not showing up for ourselves, so by default, we’re not showing up for others in ways that are essential and needed. We will continue to hurt and cause pain to others, intentionally and unintentionally, by not showing up in the best ways. We will keep running, hiding and dodging, until we face and work on our own shit, properly in a healthy, meaningful way.
Someone asked once, when I was going to finally be done with my self analyzing, my self growth? My answer, NEVER. I’ve always felt alone and isolated, different, with no understanding of why. I began my journey of deep self discovery in my mid-teens. Trying to understand myself, my thoughts, my emotions, behaviors and patterns. Trying to understand other people, life, love and suffering. Trying to find ways to connect and relate to the world and the people around me. This journey will never stop. It is a core need in me, and I place a high value and standard in my life for it. I will always continue to grow, self reflect, and find ways to understand and connect with the world, others and myself. This is what drives me to show up for myself, everyday. Then I can expand and be open and be curious, with life and show up for others, in the best ways I can be proud of.
Does it cost me? Sometimes. Only because I know that not everyone can and will be on or at my level, and cannot show up in the same ways as me. We’re on different journeys, and have different levels and perceptions. However, we can still try to support and encourage and inspire one another. We can teach and learn. With compassion, understanding, patience, and respect, anything done out of love, is possible. It doesn’t always have to be pain and suffering.
I have had doubts about myself and how I show up for myself and other people. About how I choose to love and connect and relate. However, throughout the years, I have had people, current and past, as far as childhood, come to me and thank me, for how I showed up for them. Thanked me for how I loved, inspired, influenced and understood them, even at times, they didn’t for themselves. And at the end of the day, my doubts wash away, because that’s all that matters.
So I ask, “How are you showing up for yourself, everyday?” Because it will be a reflection on what you attract, and the kind of relationships you’ll have. It will be a indicator, on where you’re at and what you need to acknowledge in yourself.
What you accept in yourself, you’ll accept from others. What you resist, hide and run from in yourself, you’ll do with others. People are our own reflections… We just need to be aware and mindful of that.
Be mindful. Be aware. Be forgiving and understanding. Be patient, compassionate, honest and open, with yourself… So you then can be with others around you. So you can connect and have the deeper, desired intimate relationships you want and need. Both internally and externally. Take the challenge. Unzip your bag, open your heart and see what you find…
– Amanda Anne
Inspirelations 